Saturday, September 23, 2006
lost ..
No, I am not talking about the acclaimed television series.. I am talking about the state of mind I am in right now.
I have been on leave for the last two days.. and will be for the following week. I had so much time and freedom to just laze at home (which is what I have been doing..) and really be myself, be free and consider everything happening around me, things I would never get to do in camp. It suddenly struck me that the end of ns is like so near, I can just taste it. The problem being.. the truth did not sink in until now. It suddenly feels like the time I have been waiting for is finally here, but it also marks a passing of stages in my life. I am no longer the "studenty", studious and nerdy person I was and might have been in school. I am now considered an adult and in a number of years I will be a husband, dad and soon found dead (okie.. that sounds a little bit rushed). It didnt struck that I am somehow already at a crossroad in my life. I reached it without acknowledging or knowing it and it's scary.
I have no idea what I really want in my life. I have no idea what I want now and in my future, no matter what aspect of my life I am thinking about. I just have no idea what is going on around me and which point do I want to find myself at.
But somehow, I made a decision. I am just gonna lead my life, make my decisions as I truly am and lead fate decide where I go from here. I am going to spend more time at home and being more a part of my family. That's all haha. Basically, I am just gonna remain the person I am and I want to be and let whatever will happen happen and just take things as they come and not make decisions that I would regret.
Still sounds like I am pretty lost right ? I am .. just waiting to see what will happen in the future ba.
I have been on leave for the last two days.. and will be for the following week. I had so much time and freedom to just laze at home (which is what I have been doing..) and really be myself, be free and consider everything happening around me, things I would never get to do in camp. It suddenly struck me that the end of ns is like so near, I can just taste it. The problem being.. the truth did not sink in until now. It suddenly feels like the time I have been waiting for is finally here, but it also marks a passing of stages in my life. I am no longer the "studenty", studious and nerdy person I was and might have been in school. I am now considered an adult and in a number of years I will be a husband, dad and soon found dead (okie.. that sounds a little bit rushed). It didnt struck that I am somehow already at a crossroad in my life. I reached it without acknowledging or knowing it and it's scary.
I have no idea what I really want in my life. I have no idea what I want now and in my future, no matter what aspect of my life I am thinking about. I just have no idea what is going on around me and which point do I want to find myself at.
But somehow, I made a decision. I am just gonna lead my life, make my decisions as I truly am and lead fate decide where I go from here. I am going to spend more time at home and being more a part of my family. That's all haha. Basically, I am just gonna remain the person I am and I want to be and let whatever will happen happen and just take things as they come and not make decisions that I would regret.
Still sounds like I am pretty lost right ? I am .. just waiting to see what will happen in the future ba.
what did i do so wrong that you had to leave me alone ... at 12:54 PM
0 people in the crowd heard my words
0 people in the crowd heard my words